Economic Armageddon: an Expert View

Some money, yesterday: photo from

The Credit Crunch; the Financial Meltdown; the Banking Crisis - all a bit confusing for the layman. So it's good to know that at your bank, there are experts you can turn to, people paid - by you - to understand the global economic apocalypse, and chart a clear route through these choppy monetary seas. I phoned my bank today to get a new cheque book (it will be with me "in up to seven bank working days," I was not quite delighted to learn), but I got so much more. The call centre staffer launched into a sales spiel after sorting out my request which gave me a whole new understanding of why the economy got into the mess it's in. The conversation went something like this:

Call centre drone: You do have a pre-approved loan on your account, if you were thinking of doing any home improvements or anything like that.

Me: No thanks, I'm not interested.

CCD: Is there any particular reason, may I ask?

Me: I just don't like debt.

CCD: But it's not debt, it's a loan.

Me: Erm... well, a loan is debt. It's the dictionary definition of debt. You loan me some money, on the basis that I will at some point pay it back.

CCD: Yeah, you are sort of right in that.

Me: No, I'm completely right. There is no other way to interpret your offer. Unless you're saying you're going to give me some money that I don't have to pay back - in which case I would definitely be interested.

CCD: But if you didn't pay it back then it wouldn't be a loan, would it?


I'm not sure what level this fellow will one day rise to, though with logic like that, in a world like this one, he could make chairman in eight to ten years.


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